Venting....

So in my 18 years of living with Scott and Pam (my parents), I have been grounded once. I forget what it was for, but I went outside and played with my friends anyway and I was about 11. In the past week, however, I have been yelled at and grounded more than ever. Maybe my parents are just trying to pass on some last minute wisdom before I head off to college, which they seem to think I will never come back from. They're acting like, once I'm gone, I'll be severing all contacts with them. Like I'm dead or something. Whatever. Anyway, so my mom asks me to go to the post office the other day, and I refuse, which I guess was pretty dumb and selfish of me considering my mom has such a hot temper. So I got reemed and I'm grounded from my car for a week, making my friends feel like my own personal chauffers. Great. Oh, but I was allowed to use my car to take my brother to tennis lessons. That wasn't so bad, considering his coach, Pat, is entirely adorable and a great conversationalist. I look forward to talking to this creative writing major with a mean serve, but my mom put the kabash on that by suddenly ending my brother's tennis lessons, giving me no excuse to go and talk to Pat or even say goodbye. Ugh. So today my parents went off to Cleveland for dinner and shopping and an eye doctor appointment (oo how romantic). My dad suggested that I take my brother swimming at Silver Lake Country Club's pool, a very safe and heavily lifeguarded pool. Well, I ask my mom about this and she throws a fit about the dangers of swimming (my brother is 13, by the way, and totally capable of swimming). She even says, and I quote "Why don't I just stick you and your brother out in the middle of the highway and let you stand there and see if you get hit by a car!!!!!!!" As if swimming is the equivalent to dodging traffic. She is so crazy. So I had to spend the rest of my afternoon sitting at home. I wasn't even allowed to drive to get dinner for my brother and I, so my mom handed me a box of crappy macaroni and cheese. MMM, delish. So apparently, she said something about feeding my brother at 6. You wouldn't believe this, but my brother can't tell when he's hungry. We have to force him to eat. No joke. It's like he's food retarded. If we didn't tell him to, he'd never eat. So I was busy doing my own thing and Alex was doing his thing so I ask him "hey, you want a hot dog" and he's like "fine" and I'm like "well, I'm going to go take a shower since James is coming over tonight and once I'm done, I'll make you dinner" Sounds reasonable. Well, in between getting out of the shower and microwaving a hot dog, my parents come home only to be completely dissapointed that their star student daughter has failed them for about the 3rd time in her life. It's terribly tragic for them so they have a fit about me not making Alex dinner at 6 and how my mom is trying to get him on a schedule so that he eats. They make it sound like the boy is anorexic, and while he does have issues, i think his biggest one is just being a lazy ass who like to complain and refuse to do everything anyone says. So I am just so sick of being yelled at for such petty shit that I just talk back. Then they give me this lecture about acting like an adult and taking responsibility, during which they reminded me that "You're 18!" Gee, thanks, didn't know. Most 18 year olds don't have to take care of food retarded kids. And if we're all being adults here, shouldn't I be allowed to have my say in the argument? Oh no, that's back talk because during arguments, I'm a child, but during everything else, I'm supposed to be a 40 year old minidrivin' mom. So James is supposed to come over and he calls while I'm getting reemed, yet again, and I'm like "You know, probably not a good idea to come over" I hate having to do that, but I hate even more when my parents are pissed off at me in front of my friends. And I had just put my make up on too, so that's really depressing. So I'm just sitting here, all dressed up with no where to go. All because I didn't feed my brother at 6. My mom came in while I was writing this because she's wondering what else is going on because I'm not acting like myself. You know what? Nothing else is going on at all. Maybe I'm just really tired of being the perfect daughter and thinking things instead of saying them. Maybe I just decided to actually try and argue my side, like adults do. This whole "let's give Elise all the lectures she missed out on while she was being a goody-tooshoes before she goes off to college" thing is wearing thin. I mean, what is something like taking away my car going to do for my behavior at home in the next 2 months? Honestly, it's so ridiculous. Guess I'm just a terrible person for not wanting to keep quiet anymore and actually wanting to say something back to my parents after 18 years. Apparently, when I do that, I must have something else like drugs or a break up or some sort of terminal ailment on the side that makes me want to do something as terrible as that. Grrrrr. Maybe all the teenage angst I didn't have during high school is finally surfacing. Great timing if that's so. So in conclusion: I'll miss my family when I go off to college, but I won't miss being treated like a 5 year old while being expected to act like a 35 year old.

Back From the Islands

St. John is the most beautiful place on earth! That vacation was great. Sure, there were a few bumps in the road. Did anyone expect my family to get along entirely well for 8 days straight? We're not the Brady Bunch! But all in all the vacation was great. The scenery is beautiful. The water is so blue and there are palm trees and iguanas everywhere. It is certainly tropical. Every day, we went to the beach and snorkeled. In the evening, we went into the little town and had dinner and did a little shopping. The island of St. John is a U.S. territory and there are only 5,000 people who live there year round. The island is only 9 miles long. It's really small but it's so neat and relaxing. I saw soooo many fish including pufferfish, squid, sting rays, starfish, parrotfish, etc. What was most interesting is hearing the stories of people who live there and how they got to be there. This one guy went to William and Mary and then to Ward's school of bussiness and was on the fast track of some big New York City company. So he was some awesome business man. He was at a business meeting in Hawaii and said to his buddy "I don't want to do this anymore." Two weeks later he quit his job and went to Florida where he stayed at the Biltmore Hotel for a while. Then he bought a sail boat and headed out for St. John and he's never looked back. I just thought that was a cool story. So now I'm really tan (really tan for me is slightly tan for a normal person) and I got my hair corn rowed. Go ahead and laugh if you want but I like my hair!!! The only bad part of the trip was getting there. The flights weren't bad, they were just long and took up a whole day. So now I'm back and I'm bored already. Back to reality. I have to start working and filling out more forms and such for college. Oh well. It's nice to be in my own bed and to see my friends, especially the ones who are kind enough to want to see me. Yeah...on the plane from St. Thomas to Atlanta, I kept thinking about how great it will be to see a certain person and how much I miss this person, let's call them Sinead O'Conner. After a phone call, I came to find Sinead has other plans with another girl and really doesn't give a shit about seeing me or even asking me how the trip was. By the way, this other girl hates my guts but has a thing for Sinead...let's call her dAFT. So I'm feeling a little peeved but I decide to go to a graduation party to hang out with my friends, away from angry thoughts about Sinead. Just as I'm heading out the door, Sinead calls to say "I'm going to the same party as you with two other girls! Just thought you'd like to know." GRRRR Like showing up to a party with other girls only to stay a few moments before buzzing off to a party to get a buzz is going to make me smile. So Sinead, dAFT, and an obnoxious girl, let's call her DW, show up. Sinead still does not know I am mad but my good friend Timmy quickly and directly informs Sinead. Sinead doesn't get why I'm mad. And dAFT is sitting right next to Sinead so I can't very well explain why. So Sinead and his women are going to leave and Sinead stays back a bit to talk with me and ask me what is wrong. Sinead has the nerve to bring a charge against me for not calling him on the trip when I was in a different freaking country. Just as I'm about to explain things to Sinead, DW and dAFT yell at him every two seconds to leave so he must obey those girls over me, apparently, because he leaves quickly without so much as a hug. And he still does not get why I'm mad. Boys are so fucked up. I'd say lesbians have the right idea, but they have to date people like dAFT. Ewww. I don't know anyone who would touch that with a 10 and a half foot pole. But I like to turn things like that into the positive...maybe incidents like this will make it much easier for me to leave and forget Sinead come August. And I had fun at the party otherwise this debauchle.
I want to be back on the beach where it's warm and lovely. Anyone want to come with me?

To Do List

My bags are packed, I'm ready to go...
Off to St. John's in the Virgin Islands tomorrow! Yay!!! Hopefully the extended forecast is wrong because it says it's supposed to rain every day. Oh well, I've got the easy cheese ready for snorkling (it supposedly attracts fishies) so I'm ready to go. But I got thinking...once I get back from this trip, I'll only have about a month and a half left before I have to leave. Yikes! I'm beginning to think that leaving home will be pretty emotional. I mean, I will be leaving my family, boyfriend, and all my friends. Man, that's going to be rough. So I have to make this summer awesome. I thought I'd put together a little summer to-do list and if anyone wants to do these things with me, that would be cool.

Things To Do in Summer 2005
1.) Go to a drive in movie
2.) Go hiking
3.) Go to the zoo
4.) Go swimming
5.) Stay up late watching fun movies with friends
6.) Go on a picnic
7.) Eat Swensons often because I will miss that stuff when I'm in Indiana
8.) Have a bon fire with my friends and stay outside until it's really late
9.) I would say camping, but in truth, I would only do camping if there was a promise of no bugs
10.) Star gaze
11.) Read a lot of books
12.) Take a walk every day
13.) Roll down a hill
14.) Play tennis
15.) Pick tomatos in the rain (o man, that's nostalgic!)
16.) Complete this list and have fun

College is creeping up way too soon. It's strange because I've spent the last 10 months only wanting to leave and now that I've made a decision and reality is setting in, the only thing I want to do is stay. I'm going to get eaten alive out there! I dont' know what the hell I'm doing! I have no major, no direction, and the other day my mom asked me to get a deposit slip and I didn't even know what it was! Plus, I'm afraid of drive-throughs, cafeteria lines, banks, and feet! This is bad. My grandmother got me this book on preparing for college and the first few chapters are all very pessimistic, yet realistic. It says things like "you will be lonely" and "you will cry" and "you will miss your parents" and "you will never see your high school sweet heart again." How sad is that?! And the book was written by some Notre Dame professor, so it's got to be pretty acurate of a Notre Dame student at least. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!!! If anyone ever wants to talk about it, feel free to call me because right now, I don't really feel like approaching anyone on the subject myself. Geez if anyone told me that the anticipation would be this bad, I would have dropped out of school and been a car mechanic or a waitress or a spice girl or something. Anyway, I have to go do something to cheer myself up since I am quite depressed. Oh wait, I'm going to the Virgin Islands tomorrow. That's nice.

A message from the new and improved, graduated Elise

Howdy all. It's been a while since I had a new post, and my lone faithful reader, Metzger, reminded me that "Your blog sucks!" and by your, I mean my. And by sucks, she meant "doesn't have any new posts." You know how in the last blog I said I'd explain the snuffing ceremony and tell you what college I'm going to? I lied about the first part. Explaining the snuffing ceremony would take a lot of time and you probably wouldn't read it anyway, but I will tell you that I am going to the University of Notre Dame. I would just casually say Notre Dame, but this has incited a lot of people saying "The one in Cleveland? I got, like, a full ride there!" No, dumbasses, the real Notre Dame with the dome and the fighting irish. Anyway, this little annoyance got me thinking about things I really hate which got me thinking about things I really like. So I'm going to list those things for you now, for your reading pleasure.

Things I Hate:

The word "supper" and just about any word with the "up" sound in it
Feet
Cafeteria lines
People who insult my intelligence or the intelligence of others. I know you all are probably sick of me talking about the top ten in the class, but honestly, smart people are awesome. I hate it when someone does really well on their SATs or ACTs and someone else just has to put them down by saying "Oh, those are just tests and they don't really measure your intelligence." or "Smart people don't have any street smarts and I'd so be on the top of the class in street smarts." or "The people at the top really aren't the smartest. They just do their homework" or "Smart people really aren't more motivated or talented than anyone else." Shut up average bitches!!! Sorry, that was strong, I'll tone it down. Everyone who is not uber smart, I bet you're really awesome at something else like a sport or art or sticking your entire fist in your mouth, but DO NOT dim down the accomplishments of smart people by saying they aren't really that important or whatever. You know you're just doing it to make yourself feel better and you know you wish you were that smart. I'm not saying smart people are nicer or better people, because there are quite a few smart jerks, but they are smart, so let them have that! It's their thing! ok I'll move on.
Guys who do not hold doors for girls.
When you tell someone a problem of yours, and instead of helping you out, they say "The same thing happened to me, but worse!" and go into their own problems.
Tomatos
Girls who act dumb to get the attention of a guy
People who turn everything into a sexual inuendo
Amusement parks
Extreme animal rights activists
Slackers, lolligagers, and all generally lazy people
Self-centered people whom you try to start a conversation with by asking so many questions about them, but they never ask anything about you.
Parents who abandon their children
When a swingset jumps when you swing to high
The smell of dead flowers
People who don't RSVP
People who don't know anything about pop culture
People who know too much about pop culture
Boxing
People who cut in lines
When little kids cry
The name, Logan
When someone has no passion for something, in other words, boring people

Things I Like

Razzamataz (haha just kidding)
Animals, specifically fuzzy ones
Random funny comments
Disney World
Summer
Kites
Ice cream
When strangers smile at you
Random acts of kindness
Kangaroos and the amount of kangaroo scrotum being sold on eBay
Silly String
Friendly aquaintances: those people who aren't really your friends but their definitely more than aquaintances and they just help the day go along.
The Visor, even though sometimes I hated it
Theater
My family
Metzger, because she reads my blog and tells me when its crappy
Inside jokes, like Jessica Flavin
People who eat meat
Teens who don't drink, smoke, or have sex, and I'm not talking about the kids who don't have a choice because they couldn't get any of the above anyway
Nerds
Lazy days when its raining and you just lay around watching movies
Walking
Shoes
The words "fooey" and "pants"
Staying up late with friends
Summer lovin' and the movie Grease
Comments on my blog, especially nice ones
A bunch of other stuff

The Baggo Goes On

If you didn't catch it, that title was a play off "The Beat Goes On." Moving on from puns I have to explain, tonight is my snuffing ceremony, which I will be video-recording for all those unfortunate souls who cannot be at the ceremony but wish to see it (in other words, my grandparents). So, I have picked a college, but I most certainly am not telling you! I'll have a later post about my snuffing ceremony and such. I have so many good ideas for posts but I have to finish this stupid Balingo Baggo story because if I just stopped in the middle, that would be no fair to the avid readers who enjoy Mr. Baggo's adventures (sorry to single you out there, Metzger). So I'm going to try to finish the story in this post, so it may be a long one so just be patient. It gets good. Or better, since it's always been good.
When we last left Balingo, he had just fallen in love with Margyl Fatlip and he was well on his way to fame and fortune. Let's watch as he blows the whole thing. Oops, did I give away the ending? Maybe not...you'll just have to read to find out!

The Last Episode

The director was Slappy Von KrocknSquirrel. He drilled the actors to no end and nobody liked him very much. Nobody, that is, except Margyl. Although Slappy wore spandex, carried a manbag, and was supposedly gay, Margyl still adored him and eventually developed a love for him. Although Slappy didn't show much attention to her, she still hit on him and tried to get him to go out with her. Balingo noticed this and became quite angry and jealous. Therefore, he had a decision to make: dumb Margyl or kill Slappy. It was an easy decision: kill Slappy. He got a large fish to hit him with but a few minutes before he was about to do so, Margyl found out for sure that Slappy was gay and turned all her attention to Balingo. She found this out when she saw Slappy and one of the male actors making out behind the curtain.

Balingo had only known Margyl a short time when he knew he wanted to marry her, but first he wanted to talk to her parents, the Fatlips, to get their consent. Too bad they had been turned into tree stumps by an evil sorceress a few years earlier. But not to worry, the Fatlips and Janis Joplin came to him in a dream and told him that he better start eating low-fat cottage cheese. He said, "Screw that, they're dead! How much could they know?" Then he took it back because he saw Sneezy giving him the evil eye.

Balingo got much credit for his wonderful performances. He was credited in many magazines and invited to be on many talk shows such as Jay Leno and David Letterman, but he declined them all. He said he was waiting for what he considered the perfect opportunity: Jerry Springer. Balingo was offered many acting roles that he took willingly. He was really on his way now! Then, after the cast took their final bows for the last performance of "Ibbity Skibbity," Balingo proposed to Margyl Fatlip. He put a ring in Margyl's beer can, but she couldn't see it and ended up choking on it. A Heimlich maneuver later, Balingo asked Margyl to marry him and he slipped the regurgitated ring made of some tissue paper and Sneezy's hair on to her finger. He didn't realize at that time that Sneezy's hair would not grow back, but Balingo considers Sneezy's bald spot a symbol of his love. Anyway, Margyl accepted and they began to plan the wedding.

On their wedding day, Margyl wore a traditional white gown, but Balingo couldn't decide what to wear. He finally let the Elvis impersonator, who went by the name of Mr. Yak (he like goats...a lot. And he was seen frequently sneaking into closets with Sneezy) help him find the right attire. He marched down the flamingo-lined aisle in green satin pantaloons and a muscle shirt. the best man was Sneezy and the maid of honor was Slappy Von KrocknSquirrel. Mr. and Mrs. Balingo Baggo were wed on February thirtieth and the happy couple went to Des Moines for their honeymoon.

In Des Moines, the happy newlyweds had the grandest of times. They ate out, slept in, and even adopted a small Russian child named Shakakan. Too bad Shakakan ran away to join the circus. He ran off into the streets naked shouting that Balingo and Margyl were ax murderers and that hjis real parents were elephants. But not to worry, Margyl and Balingo's names were forgotten once the news spread that the local butcher was making sausage out of children.

After leaving Des Moines, the Baggo's went to live in a house they had boght in the not widely know town of Tennesse, Mississippi. It was a quaint house that was purple with blue shutters. The Baggo's spent a lot of money on furnishing the house. They also bought many clothes and exotic animals such as boa constrictors (named Nemo and Elton), pink bunnies (Fruity and Zippy) and quails (Chrysanthemum, Hyacinth, and Weed). They ended up freeing the animals because they didn't get along well with Sneezy. After a while, the Baggo's realized that they were broke. Neither of them had gotten a job in a while and all they're hard earned money from Ibbity Skibbity was gone. Margyl then sent Balingo out on a job hunt.

Balingo auditioned for many plays and movies. He started getting a few lead roles at first because he was so widely known, then a few sidekick roles, then just some minor roles. The money he earned from these roles was also quickly spent. When Balingo started to get minor roles, he became very depressed and went out drinking every night. The roles he auditioned for were never gotten because he was always drunk. Margyl sent him to an AA meeting but they kicked him out because he was too drunk to even say, "Hello my name is Balingo." These were hard times but Balingo and Margyl knew that they'd get through it.

Balingo kept trying to find work but it just didn't seem to be in the cards. Margyl was even auditioning for parts but also failed. The two of them went completely bankrupt. They lost their home and most of their possessions. It didn't seem like the hard times were getting any better. Margyl and Balingo were forced to live in a shack with no heating and bad TV reception. One day, Balingo didn't come back from his job search. Margyl became quite worried but decided to wait until the next morning in case he was just out drinking. However, Balingo wasn't there in the morning, or the next, or the next.

Margyl called the polic and put up flyers all over town with Baligno's picture saying "Have you seen this bum?" The police looked everywhere and held a nationwide search. Once the media got a hold of it, the nation was in distress. They had lost their beloved Balingo Baggo, that ray of sunshine that many turned to when all else seemed lost. Ok, so maybe people didn't do that but it adds drama! Everyone was on the lookout for Balingo, but he was never found. Many people were brought in for questioning. Some said that they had seen him at the bar that night. Others said they had seen him fishing while some people said they had seen him in a spaceship on his way to the moon. Oddly, Sneezy had no comment.

After many long months of searching, the police and everyone else gave up. Margyl was never heard from again. It is said that she became a prostitute named LaFiFi Babooola. Sneezy now resides comfortably at a petting zoo, but because of his age, he is one of the less lively attractions. Shakakan did join the circus and is now a skilled bearded lady. Slappy Von KrocknSquirrel quit directing and traveled the world. He literally fell off the face of the Earth because the Earth really is flat. Mr. Yak is still an Elvis impersonator, but now has a band called the Smurfs. He still really likes goats. Margyl's parents, Celestial-Butterfly and Henry Fatlip, continued to spread the good news of low-fat cottage cheese with help from Janis Joplin. Balingo's parents, Winifred and Johnjacobjingleheimershmitty (his name was my name too) quit the ostrich egg selling business and became authors of baby name books. But whatever happened to Balingo Baggo? The world may never know.

The End

The Saga Continues

Sorry I haven't updated this in a while. I'm sure you've all been tossing and turning at night, wondering what happenes next in the wonderful world of Balingo Baggo. Well, maybe I've been busy, alright? I've been watching the mailbox very closely lately for college letters and I got accepted into Vanderbilt and Lehigh!!! YAY!!! So in celebration, I will continue the Balingo Baggo story. Remember when we last left our hero, he had just gotten kicked out of "Singin' School" and was quite depressed...

Part Deux: A Star is Born

Balingo's adult life was his happiest moments. After being kicked out of his last school, he kept on singing. He wasn't discovered until many years later when he was in a bar in Cheyenne, North Dakota visiting his uncle Stu. Balingo got drunk and started singing Donke Shoen madly. A talent scout that was in the bar heard him and thought he was wonderful. He hired him to play a part in the musical "Dogs." Balingo was ecstatic once he came to his senses and realized that he was in the middle of the highway with no pants. He practiced his lines constantly and with great passion. Unfortunately, the show never got off the ground. The talent scout abandoned Balingo for bigger and better things. Balingo tried to find acting work but was turned down after every audition. He became broke and went into a deep depression. He would sit with Sneezy and drink every night. Trying to be like real actors, he did drugs and almost killed himself. He stayed at home and felt sorry for himself. Finally, Sneezy convinced him to snap out of it.
Balingo was back to his old self again. He was still singing and dancing in the streets and acting at every chance. He still didn't shower and smelled like a dead elephant (or was it a giraffe? Personally, I've never smelt either). Balingo finally started getting small roles in musicals and plays such as "The Ghost of the Musical," "Les Bliss," and "The Queen and Me." Although Balingo was pleased with these small roles, he desired larger parts and dreamed of a lead. Then one day Balingo auditioned for the critically acclaimed musical "Ibbity Skibbity on Broadway." Balingo was given a number for the auditions but he couldn't read it. Seeing his confusion, a young woman informed Balingo that he was looking at the number upside down. That woman was the most charming, beautiful, woman he had ever met. Plus, she had all 32 teeth! A few days later Balingo got the call he had been waiting for. It was the director of "Ibbity Skibbity" calling to tell Balingo that he had gotten the lead role in the musical.
Balingo yipped and hollered and did a happy jig with Sneezy. Oddly enough, the young woman who had helped him the other day was going to be the leading lady. Balingo now considered this woman his "Lucky Thingy." (He had never heard the word "charm" before) The next time he saw this woman he asked for her name. It was Margyl Fatlip. After Margyl got over Balingo's stench, strangeness, and Sneezy, she fell in love with him and Balingo fell in love with Margyl. They started going out and it helped a lot for the onstage chemistry.
The first performance for "Ibbity Skibbity" was a grand one. The audience cheered loudly at the end and threw chocolate coins and water buffalo flavored suckers onto the stage. Everyone agreed that Balingo's performance was the best. This was definitely the peak of his career. Although the applause and recognition of his talents pleased him greatly, Balingo's most treasured part about being on stage was being with Margyl. They continued to go out throughout the entire tour of "Ibbity Skibbity" but they did hit some rough times.

*Tune in next time for Part III of this timeless epic!

What Ever Happened to Balingo Baggo?

So not much has happened in the wonderful life of Elise, except that my face got sliced with a real sword...you know, the kind you kill dragons with. Ok, so I wasn't exactly sliced, but I do have a badass cut on the side of my nose. "How in the world did you get cut with a dragon slaying sword?" you may ask. Well, I was showing some 7th graders around my high school and telling them all about the wonderful theater program when it happened. And that's where I'll leave it. Make up your own story because the real one gets boring from there anyway. Speaking of stories, I was sorting through some old papers of mine and among my old grade school newspaper (no comparison to the Visor of course) and art projects from sophomore year, I found a story entitled "Wha Ever Happened to Balingo Baggo?" Ah, Balingo Baggo. My old friend. It all started way way back in freshman year when Meryl and I were best cronies. I think the whole concept of the story began when, in biology, we noticed the lonely skeleton in the room and decided to name him Balingo Baggo and create his story. Or maybe we were just tired of talking about pig orgasms and snood in Mr. Yandek's study hall. In any case, I will now present to you the Saga of Balingo Baggo, completely unabridged and unedited. This will come in three installments, so keep checking my blog for the latest edition of this timeless tale. Keep in mind that this was written by two, slightly strange, freshmen.

Balingo Baggo: The Early Years

One stormy night in Jesus, Wyoming, a bouncy baby boy was born. It happened in a large open cow field. The baby's mother, Winifred, and his father, Johnjacobjingleheimerschmitty (his name was my name too) were very proud of the new life they'd created and therefore named him the most glorious name they could think of: Balingo Baggo. Now keep in mind that Mr. and Mrs. Baggo were Wyoming rednecks, had mullets, and sold stolen ostrich eggs to the cow farmers. Anyway, they doted on and cared for young Balingo the best they could, giving him the best dairy products around. Little did they know that thi child would grow up to be one of our time's greatest thespians.
Balingo's childhood was a happy one. It was filled with laughter and sunshine poogle bears. His fondest memories were spent with his friend, a goat named Sneezy, who was dead. Balingo's favorite pastimes were shooting fish in a barrel, chasing cars and barking madly, and designing the latest fashions for cow utters. What led him to acting was his love for Laverne and Shirley. He would watch that show with undying devotion. After the show was over, he and Sneezy would reenact the scenes and laugh for hours. His parents noticed his talent for acting and enrolled him in the Bubba Bob Joe's Skool of Actin'. Balingo was delighted to attend and joined with joyful eagerness. However, poor Balingo couldn't seem to find his place among the other students. He was made fun of daily and the children called him Ba-bimbo. Despite all of this, Balingo was true to himself and continued to go to the school with a desire to act. But then he got kicked out because he flunked all his courses.
Although his spirit was dampened, Balingo's love for acting never faltered. He continued to reenact scenes from TV shows and became better and better at acting. As he got older he began to sing theme songs from shows like "Married With Children," "Mad About You," and "D'ffrent Strokes." His parents noticed he had a great singing ability and enrolled him in "Bubba Bob Joe's Singin' School." Balingo was so pleased to join that he stopped talking and only sung. Balingo found friends at this school and had them over to his shack quite often. Sneezy became insanely jealous and committed suicide by jumping off the tin roof. Oh wait...he was already dead. Never mind. Anyway, Balingo seemed to have found his niche. He did very well in the singing school and got good grades and many awards. But then he got kicked out because he didn't shower and smelled like a decomposing giraffe.

Keep checking in on the blog for more Balingo!