What Ever Happened to Balingo Baggo?

So not much has happened in the wonderful life of Elise, except that my face got sliced with a real sword...you know, the kind you kill dragons with. Ok, so I wasn't exactly sliced, but I do have a badass cut on the side of my nose. "How in the world did you get cut with a dragon slaying sword?" you may ask. Well, I was showing some 7th graders around my high school and telling them all about the wonderful theater program when it happened. And that's where I'll leave it. Make up your own story because the real one gets boring from there anyway. Speaking of stories, I was sorting through some old papers of mine and among my old grade school newspaper (no comparison to the Visor of course) and art projects from sophomore year, I found a story entitled "Wha Ever Happened to Balingo Baggo?" Ah, Balingo Baggo. My old friend. It all started way way back in freshman year when Meryl and I were best cronies. I think the whole concept of the story began when, in biology, we noticed the lonely skeleton in the room and decided to name him Balingo Baggo and create his story. Or maybe we were just tired of talking about pig orgasms and snood in Mr. Yandek's study hall. In any case, I will now present to you the Saga of Balingo Baggo, completely unabridged and unedited. This will come in three installments, so keep checking my blog for the latest edition of this timeless tale. Keep in mind that this was written by two, slightly strange, freshmen.

Balingo Baggo: The Early Years

One stormy night in Jesus, Wyoming, a bouncy baby boy was born. It happened in a large open cow field. The baby's mother, Winifred, and his father, Johnjacobjingleheimerschmitty (his name was my name too) were very proud of the new life they'd created and therefore named him the most glorious name they could think of: Balingo Baggo. Now keep in mind that Mr. and Mrs. Baggo were Wyoming rednecks, had mullets, and sold stolen ostrich eggs to the cow farmers. Anyway, they doted on and cared for young Balingo the best they could, giving him the best dairy products around. Little did they know that thi child would grow up to be one of our time's greatest thespians.
Balingo's childhood was a happy one. It was filled with laughter and sunshine poogle bears. His fondest memories were spent with his friend, a goat named Sneezy, who was dead. Balingo's favorite pastimes were shooting fish in a barrel, chasing cars and barking madly, and designing the latest fashions for cow utters. What led him to acting was his love for Laverne and Shirley. He would watch that show with undying devotion. After the show was over, he and Sneezy would reenact the scenes and laugh for hours. His parents noticed his talent for acting and enrolled him in the Bubba Bob Joe's Skool of Actin'. Balingo was delighted to attend and joined with joyful eagerness. However, poor Balingo couldn't seem to find his place among the other students. He was made fun of daily and the children called him Ba-bimbo. Despite all of this, Balingo was true to himself and continued to go to the school with a desire to act. But then he got kicked out because he flunked all his courses.
Although his spirit was dampened, Balingo's love for acting never faltered. He continued to reenact scenes from TV shows and became better and better at acting. As he got older he began to sing theme songs from shows like "Married With Children," "Mad About You," and "D'ffrent Strokes." His parents noticed he had a great singing ability and enrolled him in "Bubba Bob Joe's Singin' School." Balingo was so pleased to join that he stopped talking and only sung. Balingo found friends at this school and had them over to his shack quite often. Sneezy became insanely jealous and committed suicide by jumping off the tin roof. Oh wait...he was already dead. Never mind. Anyway, Balingo seemed to have found his niche. He did very well in the singing school and got good grades and many awards. But then he got kicked out because he didn't shower and smelled like a decomposing giraffe.

Keep checking in on the blog for more Balingo!