If you read my last post, you might begin to understand my frustration in job searching. But the broad reasons I gave are just the tip of the unemployed iceberg. There are countless annoying, ridiculous, senseless, and just plain stupid qualities of the job search that are present regardless of the job market. So if you are an undergrad and want to be discouraged out of graduating, or if you are employed and want to reminisce about how stupid interview etiquette is, then read on.
Emails (or, back in the “old days”, letters) sent to a potential employer must be written in a code that expresses what you want without really saying it. For example, if I am applying for a job at NBC, I send a cover letter that begins something like this:
“As a senior marketing and television major at the University of Notre Dame, I am interested in NBC’s East Coast Page Program. With its worldwide audience, variety of programming, and innovative achievements in new media, NBC is an ideal company to begin my career. I am specifically interested in the Page Program because of the opportunities it provides to explore different departments at NBC and because of its history of successful participants.”
So what did that really mean? Allow me to decipher for you:
“Dear NBC,
I am educated and unemployed. You are a thriving company. I will work for pennies. Hire me.”
Now what’s frustrating is that I can’t actually say that. It would save everyone a lot of time if I could just say, “Look, I have the skills and the education to do this job. Look at my resume and see for yourself. I want this job. Hire me.” But I can’t, because that is improper etiquette.
In the middle of the cover letter, I tout my skills and experiences with the help of a thesaurus because I’ve already used “skills” and “experience” 5 times. Basically, I elaborate on my resume, but wouldn’t a busy HR person rather just glance over my resume than read a lengthy paragraph about how I became so proficient in Final Cut Pro? It says in bold print on my resume that I am proficient in Final Cut Pro. Do they need proof? Is that the reason I need to explain exactly how I rose through the ranks of my college’s television station to become an editor extraordinaire?
Then there’s the last paragraph, which looks like this:
“If selected for the East Coast Page Program, I would commit myself to representing NBC with excellence and hard work. Thank you for your consideration. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at…”
Translation:
“Please please please please please please please hire me!”
So put it all together, and this is what a decoded cover letter is really saying:
“Hey you, I am educated and skilled. I want this job. Check out my resume. I’m begging for this job!”
Think of how much time we could all save if it were that simple? HR people could take longer coffee breaks. I could use the time I spent looking up synonyms for power adjectives to work on my reel. And at the end of the day, the best person would probably still get hired, because when it comes down to it, they will just look at your resume and who you know.
If you are lucky enough to get an interview, you must learn to speak this mysterious job etiquette code. First, you dress the part by wearing that suit you got for just such occasions, but since you’ve never worn it, you have to take the tags of and get used to how uncomfortable suits are. Then, you pack up your folder with your resume, references, and reel, and head on over to the office. This all sounds doable until you get in there and they ask you something ridiculous like “Why do you want this job?” They’re expecting an answer that flatters their company and expresses your childhood dreams of working at a production house in the old B.F. Goodrich warehouse, so that’s what you tell them. But etiquette aside, the answer would be, “Because I need to make money and gain experience wherever I can get it.” The game goes on for 15 minutes to 3 hours, however narcissistic the employer is, then you leave and wait for their hiring decision.
And you wait.
And wait.
Still waiting.
After a couple weeks of waiting, you haven’t heard a yay or nay from this company. You start to second-guess yourself. Did I flatter them enough? Did I compliment their floor tiling? Did I have a firm handshake? Was it weird that I was wearing a suit and they were wearing jeans? You need an answer, but calling and demanding one would be poor etiquette. So, you send an email that reads something like this:
“Dear Mr. Blank,
I am still very interested in the job opening with Company X. If there is anything else I can do to help with your decision, please do not hesitate to let me know. Thank you!”
Short, sweet, and completely false. By this time, you have given them your resume, cover letter, work samples, list of references, and you’ve taken the special test that all their employees have to take. Unless they need a neck message, there is absolutely nothing you can do to help with their decision. You know what this email really means, and so does the employer. It means, “I’m still here and unemployed!”
Finally, just when you’ve forgotten about the interview, they send you an email saying, “Thank you for applying to the position of X. We had a record number of applicants and can honestly say that the decision was very difficult. Unfortunately, we will not be able to hire you at this time. We will keep your record on file for any future openings.”
This is the job equivalent of “It’s not you, it’s me.” They did not have a record number of applicants, and the decision probably wasn’t that hard, but at least they tried to sugar coat a rejection. What they really mean to say is:
“This other kid was way better than you. Plus, his uncle works here. Sorry, but not really.”
And then the whole vicious cycle of etiquette and lies starts again.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
What the Class of '09 is Thinking
It's now been 3 months since I've graduated. I'm living at home with my parents, without a job, and have been out of contact with 20-somethings this entire summer. After working hard all throughout my school life--taking the right classes, getting good grades, going to the right school--I have not obtained what I had been promised--employment in my chosen field. My generation was brought up in a society of encouragement and can-do attitude, where we were promised that we could accomplish anything with a little hard work. Too bad the previous generations screwed that up for us. Now I, along with all the other marketing, political science, english, and other non-accounting majors out there, am stuck in life limbo. We have outstanding resumes, glowing recommendations, and great experience. We have dreams of apartments and city life inspired by Friends and Sex and the City. We have goals of career-oriented success that is symptomatic of my generation's competitive, ambitious, and somewhat entitled nature. Yet, most of us can't even get an interview.
Though the economy is the largest contributor to the class of 2009's plight, the system of job applications is also at fault. Help-wanted signs are not just posted in store fronts, but on websites as a sort of national casting call. When thousands of bright young hopefuls submit their well-polished resumes to the same job, it's the ones who are familiar to the HR director who get noticed. It's all about who you know, but in an age of instant communication, familiarity has many facets. There's the real-life in-person connections--coworkers, friends, family, professors. At this point in my job search, these sources have been tapped out. I've used all the advice they gave me and applied to the job openings they told me about, but nothing worked out. The next level is fellow alumni--using Facebook, LinkedIn, and the ND alumni directory, I can search and stalk any registered alum in any given field. The problem is, so can everyone else. These sources have also become tapped out--they are tired of giving advice, and quite frankly have no new advice to give in an economic situation they are trying to come to terms with themselves. While they would love to help a fellow alum, they simply can't. The third level of familiarity is everyone else in the world. Social networking sites make getting to know someone without their knowledge pretty easy. With just a name and company, I can find out the HR guy's favorite band, girlfriend's name, high school mascot, etc. So you could say that I know him. And if it's really all about who you know, shouldn't I get noticed among the thousands of resumes he has to sort through? It seems these sources are tapped out, too. I guess when your job is to look through all the applications that are flooding your inbox, it's just easier to hire your best friend's nephew than to look for the best person for the job.
Maybe now you are beginning to understand the frustration in unemployment. Granted, I have it much better than some--I am very fortunate to not have loans to pay off and to have parents who support me and let me live at home. This just isn't how I pictured my life at 22. My twenties are being wasted away in a high school throwback. I have potential; I've prepared for a career and now I'm ready to start one. I submit at least 30 applications a week. If I'm lucky enough to hear anything back at all, it's usually an automatic message that says the company isn't hiring at this time, but promising to keep my resume on file. I'm throwing all my personal information into cyberspace and none of it is boomeranging back. It all seemingly gets lost in this cyberspace abyss, though my junkmail has increased. I'm working every day to look for a job, and though I might not be finding anything, I am doing my best. Which leads me to the next section of this essay...
Don't tell me what I should be doing. This goes mostly out to my mom's friends, my dad's golf buddies, my grandma's church friends, the guy at the bank, the receptionist at the doctor's office, and everyone else who feels the need to put their 2-cents in. I realize I might sound cruel and unappreciative, and I know that most people bring up the job thing for lack of something to talk about, but please, talk about the weather instead. Here is my explanation:
1) Do not tell me what job search engines to use. Do you honestly think I haven't heard of mandy.com already? I have explored every crevice of the internet, so unless you just invented a job site that is guaranteed to hire me, don't bother.
2) Do not assume that because I majored in marketing, I want to go into sales. I am not a people-person (can't you tell?) and in this economic climate, sales is the last thing I want to do. Also, I want to go into videography or television production, so don't make me give up on that just yet.
3a) Do not say "It's all about who you know" and...
3b) Do not push your contacts on me. I have figured out by now that networking is key, but unless you personally know Al Roker, I don't care that your uncle's best friend's cousin has a quaint little marketing company in Kansas. Also, I don't like feeling like I owe you for something I didn't want in the first place.
4) Do not say "Man, I wish I had time like you have. Being unemployed sounds great." How insulting of you to think I want to be in this situation and that it's ideal or enjoyable for me to be squandering away untapped potential and thousands of dollars of education. You're job may be hard, but you have one in an economic climate when so many others don't.
5) Do not look at me with sympathy or treat me like I am pathetic. The worst part of this is feeling like a sad example of the nation's downturn. I am not pathetic. I am working on finding work. If I had graduated any other year, I would have work, so do not assume that I am lazy or unqualified or pathetic.
The moral of this story is don't bring up the job thing. If you truly have a connection or know of an opening in videography or television production, then by all means, let me know. Otherwise, this is my problem to solve, not yours. To all those in the same situation, this sucks, huh? We've been dealt a horrible hand, but I guess we just have to play it out. To quote one of the less annoying comments people make about my situation, "At least you're not alone." With more people applying to grad school, that option might be more difficult than expected, too. At least I have plenty of time to bump up those GRE scores...
Though the economy is the largest contributor to the class of 2009's plight, the system of job applications is also at fault. Help-wanted signs are not just posted in store fronts, but on websites as a sort of national casting call. When thousands of bright young hopefuls submit their well-polished resumes to the same job, it's the ones who are familiar to the HR director who get noticed. It's all about who you know, but in an age of instant communication, familiarity has many facets. There's the real-life in-person connections--coworkers, friends, family, professors. At this point in my job search, these sources have been tapped out. I've used all the advice they gave me and applied to the job openings they told me about, but nothing worked out. The next level is fellow alumni--using Facebook, LinkedIn, and the ND alumni directory, I can search and stalk any registered alum in any given field. The problem is, so can everyone else. These sources have also become tapped out--they are tired of giving advice, and quite frankly have no new advice to give in an economic situation they are trying to come to terms with themselves. While they would love to help a fellow alum, they simply can't. The third level of familiarity is everyone else in the world. Social networking sites make getting to know someone without their knowledge pretty easy. With just a name and company, I can find out the HR guy's favorite band, girlfriend's name, high school mascot, etc. So you could say that I know him. And if it's really all about who you know, shouldn't I get noticed among the thousands of resumes he has to sort through? It seems these sources are tapped out, too. I guess when your job is to look through all the applications that are flooding your inbox, it's just easier to hire your best friend's nephew than to look for the best person for the job.
Maybe now you are beginning to understand the frustration in unemployment. Granted, I have it much better than some--I am very fortunate to not have loans to pay off and to have parents who support me and let me live at home. This just isn't how I pictured my life at 22. My twenties are being wasted away in a high school throwback. I have potential; I've prepared for a career and now I'm ready to start one. I submit at least 30 applications a week. If I'm lucky enough to hear anything back at all, it's usually an automatic message that says the company isn't hiring at this time, but promising to keep my resume on file. I'm throwing all my personal information into cyberspace and none of it is boomeranging back. It all seemingly gets lost in this cyberspace abyss, though my junkmail has increased. I'm working every day to look for a job, and though I might not be finding anything, I am doing my best. Which leads me to the next section of this essay...
Don't tell me what I should be doing. This goes mostly out to my mom's friends, my dad's golf buddies, my grandma's church friends, the guy at the bank, the receptionist at the doctor's office, and everyone else who feels the need to put their 2-cents in. I realize I might sound cruel and unappreciative, and I know that most people bring up the job thing for lack of something to talk about, but please, talk about the weather instead. Here is my explanation:
1) Do not tell me what job search engines to use. Do you honestly think I haven't heard of mandy.com already? I have explored every crevice of the internet, so unless you just invented a job site that is guaranteed to hire me, don't bother.
2) Do not assume that because I majored in marketing, I want to go into sales. I am not a people-person (can't you tell?) and in this economic climate, sales is the last thing I want to do. Also, I want to go into videography or television production, so don't make me give up on that just yet.
3a) Do not say "It's all about who you know" and...
3b) Do not push your contacts on me. I have figured out by now that networking is key, but unless you personally know Al Roker, I don't care that your uncle's best friend's cousin has a quaint little marketing company in Kansas. Also, I don't like feeling like I owe you for something I didn't want in the first place.
4) Do not say "Man, I wish I had time like you have. Being unemployed sounds great." How insulting of you to think I want to be in this situation and that it's ideal or enjoyable for me to be squandering away untapped potential and thousands of dollars of education. You're job may be hard, but you have one in an economic climate when so many others don't.
5) Do not look at me with sympathy or treat me like I am pathetic. The worst part of this is feeling like a sad example of the nation's downturn. I am not pathetic. I am working on finding work. If I had graduated any other year, I would have work, so do not assume that I am lazy or unqualified or pathetic.
The moral of this story is don't bring up the job thing. If you truly have a connection or know of an opening in videography or television production, then by all means, let me know. Otherwise, this is my problem to solve, not yours. To all those in the same situation, this sucks, huh? We've been dealt a horrible hand, but I guess we just have to play it out. To quote one of the less annoying comments people make about my situation, "At least you're not alone." With more people applying to grad school, that option might be more difficult than expected, too. At least I have plenty of time to bump up those GRE scores...
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