Jay See You

Now that I have been a JCU student for an entire week, I feel that I can judge the school and its students. The school itself is very tiny, consisting of about 15 classrooms in one old building on some random side street of Trastevere. JCU prides itself in its commitment to students' well-being and education. I have received several unprompted emails from the school's registrar, saying that the registrar is not here to help us with registering, which leads me to wonder if something got lost in translation, leaving the office of the registrar tombe do nothing but set up confusing course registration websites. New JCU students also received many emails and speeches regarding the emergency telephone number. Upon handing us this number, we were told never to use it. A Power Point presentation, complete with pictures and music, told us of all the situations in which we are to not use the emergency telephone number. This includes being unable to find an ATM, needing a cab, loss of limbs, and being locked out of one's apartment. Also, the emergency number is not to be dialed at the onset of a true emergency. First, one should call the police, then a hospital, then, once the emergency is most likely on its way to being resolved, one should call the emergency number (but you really shouldn't, because by then it wouldn't be an emergency). Apparently, the emergency number contacts the Dean of Students directly, since JCU does not have a true emergency line. The overabundance of precautions given about the emergency number are due to the many times the Dean has been awoken at 4 in the morning by a student in need of cash, cab, or immediate health service.
Though the administration is the foundation of JCU, its students are its true treasures. These students hail from all over the world, though mostly Italy and America. Italians study there to gain an American style education. Americans study there for the lowered drinking age and easier academics (or study abroad). There are about 35 students in each JCU graduating class, allowing the university to offer an extensive assortment of majors, such as Italian, Smoking, College Life and its Impact on the Surrounding Culture, and Political Science. You can immediately tell which students are Italian and which are American. The Italian students are beautiful, smoke discretely, and quietly sit and judge the passing Americans. They are also frequently seen playing ping-pong in the "Lemon Tree Courtyard", which is ironically devoid of lemon trees. American students wear tennis shoes and/or miniskirts, smoke in places where everyone will see and smell them, and make broad comparisons of JCU to their home university. These students can be further broken down into several stereotypes I observed one day while enjoying a panini in the Lemon Treeless Courtyard.

• Emo Asian guy: There are maybe 2 of these. They have long hair, glasses with thick frames, and stick out in the crowd as some of the only non-white people there.
• Abercrombie guy: He actually lives in my apartment complex and hails from Santa Barbara. He has a permanent sexy brood about him and frequently stands in a model-like pose for several minutes at a time. The world is his catwalk. To top it off, his name is Earlick.
• Fat chicks who smoke: Like their cigs, they come in packs
  
• Chick with basset hound: There is a girl who may not even attend JCU, but walks around the courtyard with a limp basset hound. The dog adorably just flops in whatever direction and might be sedated.
• Fauxtalians: These are the American guys who desperately want to look Italian so as to attract the ladies, because what girl wants to date an American when in Rome? These men forgo their own cultural standards of undershirts and buttons and let the chest hair hang out. Also, without those catchy Truth ads holding them back, smoking is cool again and very European. They usually carry leather satchels as well, which they will give back to their sisters upon returning to the US.
  
• Super Americans: These are the opposite of the fauxtalians. These men feel threatened by the metrosexual Italian culture and feel it is their duty to defend their own machismo American ideals. They wear white athletic tennis shoes, athletic shorts, giant backpacks, some form of camouflage, and a graphic T.
• Made Up School Kids: Instead of traveling with the larger study abroad groups like Notre Dame, Boston College, or MSU, these students travel with only a handful of others from their home university. The colleges they hail from are unheard of and possibly unreal. When introducing themselves on the first day of class, they state their majors, which are ridiculously specific and actually sound like the name of a single class. Example; "International Food Marketing with a minors Traveling Along Rivers and Circuses."
• Tools: It is difficult to define what a tool is, but they seem to exist internationally, as they as plentiful in Rome as in Indiana. Tools are boys who are self-absorbed, self-conscious, self-promoting, and are just jerks in general. Tools have a permanent "I'm better than you" smirk upon their faces and will talk to any girl at any time, only to later rudely talk about her. Tools always have bad idea, always drink too much, and always think you want to be their friend. This definition still does not capture the true essence of tool, but the point is that they exist in Italy.
  
• Hungover chicks: These girls forgo trying to look Italian or even trying to look presentable and just throw on some jeans and the t-shirt they got at last night's pub crawl.
• Laguna Beach Wannabes: These Americans look very Californian with their bright blond hair, miniskirts, and pink camisoles. I wouldn't think a thing of this back in the states, but here, they just look very lost and out of place. Maybe that's because there are no malls in Rome.
  

JCU is a fine place to study in Rome, since I don't really intend on studying all that much. If anything, JCU will just make me that much more thankful for Notre Dame.