The Perks of Being Sober

I think it's time to answer the question that's been on everyone's mind since my last post: What inatimate household objects doubles in weight after 10 years of usage?
Answer: A mattress.
The extra weight is due to all the dirt and sweat. Think about your dorm mattress and how many people have slept on it. Now go ahead and cringe.
Caitlin was the first one to guess this right, but that's probably only because she's my roommate and was able to play 20 questions for quite a while. In any case, Caitlin wins. The prize: being mentioned in my blog. Though this may not seem so fantastic to everyone else, Caitlin is ecstatic about it. Trust me.
Onto other things...
I started a new P.E. class (yes, I have to take gym in college). My first class was self-defense, which involved a lot of eye gouging and groin kicking. There were only 3 males in that class and they seemed kind of shady, like they were taking the class so they could see what a girl would do if they tried to attack her. My new gym class is Fitness for Life, which is your basic gym class with a bunch of useless, repetitive fitness information and games that you never wanted to play. Last class, we ran and played capture the flag. I'm not a big fan of either. However, no matter how bad/slow/lazy/unathletic I think I am, I can always look to this one girl in that class. Now, let me start by saying that I usually do not like to make fun of obese people simply for being obese. However, the situation calls for it. There is a girl in my class who must weigh close to 300 pounds. She shows up to p.e. late, even though her previous class is nearby and she has a bike. The first day of Fitness for Life, we had arrange ourselves in alphabetical order without using words. I have the luxury of simply going to the end of the line without asking questions because my last name conveniently begins with Y. The large girl, however, decided to take the last spot in line. I mouth the words "What is your last name" to her. She responds, in a non-whisper "Murphy." I reply "Oh, we're supposed to be in alphabetical order." She retorts "I don't know how the heck we're supposed to do that without talking. That's just stupid." Fine, Murphy. For your lazy butt, we'll rearrange the alphabet. After getting in alphabetical (or in this case Murphabetical) order, we had to introduce ourselves by saying our names. Murphy's intro went like this: "My name's Sade, but you can call me Smurf." Smurf??? There is nothing small or smurflike about her. We then had to jog 20 yards. No big deal, right? Oh, but it was a big deal for Smurf. She simply stood at the baseline the whole time and refused to run. When we did crunches, she merely laid on the ground. It's one thing to be obese. Some people can't help it. But to be entirely lazy is completely different.
I'm thinking I should just have an "Interesting Person of the Week" whenever I write a new blog entry, because I meet so many interesting people. However, this week I cannot just pick one, because there is another interesting person I must discuss. I've actually already mentioned this person. He is the creepy guy from the Mike Peterson Show writers' meeting who had violent/obscene ideas and looked like the lead singer from the Crash Test Dummies. Anyway, this guy has decided that him and I are best friends. Rapture. I honestly feel uncomfortable around this guy. He really is creepy. The other girl writer for the MPS agrees. Turns out that creepy guy is in my P.E. class (which turns out to have a cornucopia of interesting people in it). I was talking to a rather good-looking boy after P.E., but creepy guy scared him off when he caught up with me walking back and decided that, as best friends, we should talk. So this guy is preventing me from making any other friends in that class. After the last P.E. class, creepy guy decided to tell me all about the time he had rabies because he tried to tackle a woodchuck and it nearly ripped off his thumb. That's the stupidest lie I've ever heard. I don't even want to believe that it could be true, it's so ridiculous. In my opinion, the rabies adds to the creepy factor. The other day, we (MPS writers) were doing a shoot for the MPS. The skit was that the latest fashion trend was the unzipped fly with boxers sticking out. Creepy guy jumped on the opportunity to participate in this skit. I was there to play the girlfriend of one of the unzipped boys. I prayed that it wasn't creepy guy. Fortunately, it wasn't. This made creepy guy quite upset as he declared "By the end of this shoot, I will have a hot girl with me!" Then he glared at me as if I was supposed to jump up and say "Oh! Pick me!" To his dissapointment I said nothing and looked the other way. After the shoot was over, I headed over to the dining hall for dinner with the girls of 6A. Creepy guy followed me. I tentatively asked him who he was meeting at the dining hall, knowing already what the answer would be. He cheerily replied "Oh, I assumed we would eat together." Ok, now don't hate me for what I said next, but let me explain. I told him "Oh, actually, it's girls' night and I'm just eating with some girls from my dorm. Sorry." Exit creepy guy. I know that was horrible, but honestly, this guy makes me really uncomfortable and Caitlin doesn't like him either. I had to tell him to leave. He's quite stalkerish and I don't like him at all. So don't think I'm a terrible person! I didn't learn enough in self-defense class to invite creepy guy to dinner!
On a less catty note, last weekend, I was invited to an SYR. SYR=Screw Your Roommate. Each dorm has an SYR each year. Tradtional SYR form means that your roommate picks a date for you, thus screwing you over if the person sucks. However, most people just pick their own dates. Joe from my Italian class (and from New Jersey--ew, I know) asked me to go. He's pretty good-looking, so I figured why not. The theme for the SYR (they all have themes) was 70s' disco. Therefore, I wore a top with sequins on it. I don't know if that's 70s', but I really like sequins. Joe, on the other hand, raided the thrift store and wore tight plaid pants and a gator-print jacket. I know what you're all thinking: sexy. Anyway, I show up to his dorm about an hour before the party because that's when the pre-partying is happening (aka drinking). Joe and his buddies are already drunk. I join their sober dates on the futon and laugh at them as they belt out N*Sync tunes. Surprisingly, they know all the words and even some of the hand-motions, something they would probably not admit to when sober. The actual party is at a bowling ally off campus and on the bus ride over, I soon find out that Joe is a very complimentary drunk. What he said includes, "I really respect that you don't drink." "You're a really good-looking girl." "I'm the hermit crab racing national champion" "You're not like most girls. You're really cool and you're a good person." In case you were wondering, the hermit crab statement really is true. Bowling was a ton of fun. Actually, the whole night was a lot of fun, but bowling was great simply because I kicked butt. If you've ever bowled with me before, you're probably wondering how this happened. I mean, I won the game and my score was only 90. Well, let's just add bowling skills to one of the many advantages of sobreity.
While at the disco bowl, I met one of Joe's friends, Andres. Andres is a very cool guy and we hit it off. So the following night, we talked and decided to hang out at his dorm. Andres lives five doors down from Joe, so I was planning on going over to say hi to Joe at some point. Unfortunately, my plans were foiled when Andres and I were talking in the hall outside his dorm and Joe walked/stumbled out of his room. I waved. Joe didn't and walked/staggared back into his room. I figured he was just drunk and confused. Monday after Italian class, I asked Joe what he did on Saturday. He replied, "I don't really remember. I was just drinking in the room I guess." I said, "I saw you and waved but you didn't wave back." He said, angrily "Oh that I remember." He then went on to say how I like Andres better than him and how he's used to girls liking other guys more than him and blah blah blah. Quite pathetic. I disputed his claims and that was the end of that.
This Saturday will probably be one of the best days ever. The love of my life is coming to Notre Dame. And I've got tickets. The Vince Vaughn Wild West comedy tour is on Saturday!!! I love Vince Vaughn! His mug shot from when he got arrested for fighting is a bar is my desktop. I hope I'm able to get good seats so I am able to proffess my love to Vince Vaughn. I'll tell you all about my crazy evening with Vince Vaughn in my next blog, or more likely, I'll talk about how I had crapy seats and I went to another SYR after the show.