Word to Your Mother

This blog is going to be mostly shout outs, because I never do that, but they will be intertwined with my characteristically funny anecdotes, so keep reading.

My first shout out goes to Dave Wartko and Brian Fair, even though neither of you read my blog, mainly because you are fools. In any case, the reason I am shouting out to them is because Brian went home this past weekend to celebrate his mother's 50th birthday. He brought back with him a Swensons double cheeseburger. (For all of you non-Akron area dwellers who do not know what Swensons is: simply put, it is the best hamburger place in the world. No joke. I'm addicted. They must put crack in the patties.) Brian gave the blessed burger to Dave, who so very generously split it with me. Even though the cheeseburger has been through a 5 hour car ride and 2 days in Dave's fridge, it still tasted like heaven on a bun. It was amazing. So thank, Brian and Dave, for sharing that most scrumptious, delectable, wonderful hamburger with me.

Next up on the shout-out list is Tim Adkins, because he reads my blog. Tim, I've been enjoying our chats as of late. I miss you and our lunch time chatter!

Another shout out goes to my Dad because his birthday is tomorrow (Sept. 29). He doesn't read this blog either, but I thought I should put that in there. For my Dad's birthday, I picked out a sweatshirt from the ND bookstore Web site and had my Mom order it. This was good, but seemed a bit impersonal. So I made him a delightful card that says "I wish I could be there for your birthday, but alas, I am out here in Indiana under the Golden Dome. So I got some of my Notre Dame friends to wish you a happy birthday!" I then proceeded to copy and past pictures of famous ND things from the Internet, such as the Dome, saying "Enjoy your golden years!" and Regis Philbin saying "You look like a million bucks!" I'm so creative. Even after the card, the gift still didn't feel quite right. So what do I do? I steal a soup spoon from the North Dining Hall, tie a green ribbon around it, and stick it in the envelope. The funny thing is, my Dad will absolutely love it.

I'd also like to give a shout out to everyone who poses nude/half-nude in their facebook picture. Actually, I don't want to shout out to you. I want to shout AT you. Put some clothes on, you freakin' floozies!!! A certain redneck from Suffield has an especially disturbing facebook picture. He was completely naked (ew) with only a cowboy hat covering his privates. (It was a small cowboy hat). My good friend Amelia told me about it and as soon as I saw the hideous image, I wanted to poke out my eyes and vomit. If you get the chance, I suggest you check out this picture, just so you know what NOT to do in facebook, though I'm sure the awesome people who read this blog wear clothes, not cowboy hats. (By the way, if you're really itching to see the naked cowboy's picture, his name starts with a T and ends with a J Gaydos.)

Another shout-out goes to Metzger, because she loves pirates. I also love pirates. A pirate could kick a ninjas butt any day of the week. That's the end of this shout out.

Next and final shout out goes to (suspense creating drumroll)...................................................
ASIAN CHICK! She's back! Your life feels whole again, now, doesn't it? Admit it, you missed Asian Chick's crazy antics. Actually, she has not been in class lately, and this has been dissapointing. But the last time I saw her, she was wearing a Notre Dame sweatshirt. Now, I may be reading too much into this, but the back of the shirt said "Lucky Since 1998." I'm assuming it was in the year 1998 that she became a lady of the night and thus began her prostitution business. Perhaps she runs an entire brothel called "Luck" and they were founded in 1998, thus their slogan is "Lucky Since 1998." This is only my assumption, but based on her past work uniforms, oops, I mean outfits, I don't find it too farfetched.

Well, that's all for the shout-outs. Don't feel bad if I left you out. It's probably only because I don't like you or you don't write comments on my blog. Speaking of comments, it has come to my attention that some people do not know how to write comments on my blog. You simply click on the thing that says "# comments" (sadly, that number is usually 0) and a little box will pop up in which you type your witty, admiring comments. And don't be anonymous. That's just frustrating and guess work is not my strong suit. Oh, I almost forgot! No one answered the question from my last blog correctly! No one even attempted! (Except Laurell Marshall, who always comments and is just freakin' awesome. Shout out to Laurel!) This isn't a riddle, it's an actual fact! I will repeat the question here and you all should keep on guessing. What inatimate household object doubles in weight after 10 years of ownership?