When we last left Balingo, he had just fallen in love with Margyl Fatlip and he was well on his way to fame and fortune. Let's watch as he blows the whole thing. Oops, did I give away the ending? Maybe not...you'll just have to read to find out!
The Last Episode
The director was Slappy Von KrocknSquirrel. He drilled the actors to no end and nobody liked him very much. Nobody, that is, except Margyl. Although Slappy wore spandex, carried a manbag, and was supposedly gay, Margyl still adored him and eventually developed a love for him. Although Slappy didn't show much attention to her, she still hit on him and tried to get him to go out with her. Balingo noticed this and became quite angry and jealous. Therefore, he had a decision to make: dumb Margyl or kill Slappy. It was an easy decision: kill Slappy. He got a large fish to hit him with but a few minutes before he was about to do so, Margyl found out for sure that Slappy was gay and turned all her attention to Balingo. She found this out when she saw Slappy and one of the male actors making out behind the curtain.
Balingo had only known Margyl a short time when he knew he wanted to marry her, but first he wanted to talk to her parents, the Fatlips, to get their consent. Too bad they had been turned into tree stumps by an evil sorceress a few years earlier. But not to worry, the Fatlips and Janis Joplin came to him in a dream and told him that he better start eating low-fat cottage cheese. He said, "Screw that, they're dead! How much could they know?" Then he took it back because he saw Sneezy giving him the evil eye.
Balingo got much credit for his wonderful performances. He was credited in many magazines and invited to be on many talk shows such as Jay Leno and David Letterman, but he declined them all. He said he was waiting for what he considered the perfect opportunity: Jerry Springer. Balingo was offered many acting roles that he took willingly. He was really on his way now! Then, after the cast took their final bows for the last performance of "Ibbity Skibbity," Balingo proposed to Margyl Fatlip. He put a ring in Margyl's beer can, but she couldn't see it and ended up choking on it. A Heimlich maneuver later, Balingo asked Margyl to marry him and he slipped the regurgitated ring made of some tissue paper and Sneezy's hair on to her finger. He didn't realize at that time that Sneezy's hair would not grow back, but Balingo considers Sneezy's bald spot a symbol of his love. Anyway, Margyl accepted and they began to plan the wedding.
On their wedding day, Margyl wore a traditional white gown, but Balingo couldn't decide what to wear. He finally let the Elvis impersonator, who went by the name of Mr. Yak (he like goats...a lot. And he was seen frequently sneaking into closets with Sneezy) help him find the right attire. He marched down the flamingo-lined aisle in green satin pantaloons and a muscle shirt. the best man was Sneezy and the maid of honor was Slappy Von KrocknSquirrel. Mr. and Mrs. Balingo Baggo were wed on February thirtieth and the happy couple went to Des Moines for their honeymoon.
In Des Moines, the happy newlyweds had the grandest of times. They ate out, slept in, and even adopted a small Russian child named Shakakan. Too bad Shakakan ran away to join the circus. He ran off into the streets naked shouting that Balingo and Margyl were ax murderers and that hjis real parents were elephants. But not to worry, Margyl and Balingo's names were forgotten once the news spread that the local butcher was making sausage out of children.
After leaving Des Moines, the Baggo's went to live in a house they had boght in the not widely know town of Tennesse, Mississippi. It was a quaint house that was purple with blue shutters. The Baggo's spent a lot of money on furnishing the house. They also bought many clothes and exotic animals such as boa constrictors (named Nemo and Elton), pink bunnies (Fruity and Zippy) and quails (Chrysanthemum, Hyacinth, and Weed). They ended up freeing the animals because they didn't get along well with Sneezy. After a while, the Baggo's realized that they were broke. Neither of them had gotten a job in a while and all they're hard earned money from Ibbity Skibbity was gone. Margyl then sent Balingo out on a job hunt.
Balingo auditioned for many plays and movies. He started getting a few lead roles at first because he was so widely known, then a few sidekick roles, then just some minor roles. The money he earned from these roles was also quickly spent. When Balingo started to get minor roles, he became very depressed and went out drinking every night. The roles he auditioned for were never gotten because he was always drunk. Margyl sent him to an AA meeting but they kicked him out because he was too drunk to even say, "Hello my name is Balingo." These were hard times but Balingo and Margyl knew that they'd get through it.
Balingo kept trying to find work but it just didn't seem to be in the cards. Margyl was even auditioning for parts but also failed. The two of them went completely bankrupt. They lost their home and most of their possessions. It didn't seem like the hard times were getting any better. Margyl and Balingo were forced to live in a shack with no heating and bad TV reception. One day, Balingo didn't come back from his job search. Margyl became quite worried but decided to wait until the next morning in case he was just out drinking. However, Balingo wasn't there in the morning, or the next, or the next.
Margyl called the polic and put up flyers all over town with Baligno's picture saying "Have you seen this bum?" The police looked everywhere and held a nationwide search. Once the media got a hold of it, the nation was in distress. They had lost their beloved Balingo Baggo, that ray of sunshine that many turned to when all else seemed lost. Ok, so maybe people didn't do that but it adds drama! Everyone was on the lookout for Balingo, but he was never found. Many people were brought in for questioning. Some said that they had seen him at the bar that night. Others said they had seen him fishing while some people said they had seen him in a spaceship on his way to the moon. Oddly, Sneezy had no comment.
After many long months of searching, the police and everyone else gave up. Margyl was never heard from again. It is said that she became a prostitute named LaFiFi Babooola. Sneezy now resides comfortably at a petting zoo, but because of his age, he is one of the less lively attractions. Shakakan did join the circus and is now a skilled bearded lady. Slappy Von KrocknSquirrel quit directing and traveled the world. He literally fell off the face of the Earth because the Earth really is flat. Mr. Yak is still an Elvis impersonator, but now has a band called the Smurfs. He still really likes goats. Margyl's parents, Celestial-Butterfly and Henry Fatlip, continued to spread the good news of low-fat cottage cheese with help from Janis Joplin. Balingo's parents, Winifred and Johnjacobjingleheimershmitty (his name was my name too) quit the ostrich egg selling business and became authors of baby name books. But whatever happened to Balingo Baggo? The world may never know.
The End
